Oaxaca is fantastic but I'm hungry and have run out of time and will write more later.

I'm leaving to Oaxaca Mexico for three months in less than a week. I don't know what I'm doing, I have no money and am completely unprepared in every way possible. Nonetheless it's imperative that I do this for my emotional well being. Though right now, I wonder, since the time leading up to the trip is really taking a toll on my stress levels.

Last night was a terrible night. absolutely terrible. If I managed to alienate myself from even more people, it couldn't be better timing I guess. I was rereading my most recent entries which are ages old, and saw that I mentioned my three best friends s, k, and d. Funny, it took me a few minutes to remember who the hell they were. I guess I numbed myself and now I just don't make best friends. I don't get close to people anymore. Oh, I'm still an open book, and it's easy to get to know me, but I haven't made a close connection with anyone. They always break in the most dramatic of ways. Like a power line coming down in a windstorm. I'm the fucking windstorm. Sever that connection bitch.

I'm resolved not to go out this next week and just buckle down on getting ready and packing and moving my shit and cleaning my cesspool of an apartment. My cat's going to hate me. He already does because I got rid of the bed and he has to sleep on the floor. Well, so do I cat, so do I.

Anyway, if anyone ever reads this, wish me luck. Since I don't have good sense, I'm going to need luck.

and a thousand bucks.

love.

ok so i just made another pillow case skirt but it's not quite done and is much more complicated. I used THREE pillow cases. i think i'm going to hand baste the hem for now and make it eight inches shorter than it is. also, i've got to work on the draw string. but it's super spring happy. pink and orange and yellow flowers on some panels, blue and green flowers on other panels, and plain pink on the rest. besides it being loose and the draw string hole being all frayed because i forgot how to make button holes on the machine and i don't think we have the right foot anyway... it's glorious. i need to make a shirt to match. but it's sort of late. going back to corvallis tomorrow. i can finish everything there.

oh oh.

plum juice!

web comics! no spare robot parts!

love.

i made an outfit out of pillow cases and wore it to the ani concert eugene. i had a couple of hours before leaving and all my clothes were filthy so... i didn't do laundry. i made an outfit. i still need to do laundry and that was wednesday.

things are bearably dull right now. i've got a new female friend which is awesome because i'm overdosing on testosterone. that's a lie. most of my guy friends aren't exactly well endowed with that particular hormone. but still. it's nice to have a friend with a vagina. not that i'm making use of it.

we went to portland last weekend and had a blast. went to a lesbian bar and sang karaoke. i managed to get a boy's phone number. which is weird, because there were only three of them there, one of whom came with our group and his girlfriend. but i made out with a cute girl named bridgette. i also acquired a pair of earrings that are somewhat ugly and i can't remember who gave them to me. some dyke.

been reading a lot of charles de lint lately. i'm going to start my own pillow case clothing line. that only fits me because i really don't have the patience to deal with sizes. i also made earrings out of fishing lures that were free on a street corner in portland. i'm going to learn an instrument too so i can play with sarah. she just joined a band with two middle aged dudes and they're going to play in a coffee shop in eugene may second. be there or be a chair. i have no idea what coffee shop.

this music rocks my socks. but to bed i must go.

i'm at my father's this weekend because my grandmother is visiting from omaha. i miss my granddad. always related to him better.

melissa (step-mom figure) told me last night that she thinks i'm hanging on the edge by my fingernails. somehow she even got me to mention kyle and what's happening in that arena but since even the mentioning brought me to the verge of tears, i said very little. i said i was fine. she laughed and said i was almost fine.

my social life consists of work and bringing a book to the peacock, reading and drinking pbr until i see someone i know that i give a hoot enough about to talk to.

something that's been going through my head lately:

(It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you fuck her)

but, well, you oughta know.